| Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy. |
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[29 Aug 2005|04:13pm] |
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 Why doesn't life make sense? |
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Seasons of Love |
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Good-bye lj. I've decided to stop using my livejournal, or at least for the time being. It's entirely too time-consuming, and if I'm going to succeed in my Junior year, I can't keep wasting my time updating this. I realized just how much time I spent last year updating my lj, reading other people's ljs, modifying my profile, so on and so forth. It can't continue to use up my time, so I'm not going to use it. Perhaps later, when my life is under a little better control, I'll come back. But for now, adieu.
~Michelle~
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| Improvisation is a parlor trick |
[20 Jul 2005|09:59pm] |
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Veruca Salt |
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Yeah, that's right. That's four times I've seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Can anyone say new obsession? I can. Oooh, and I got a poster of it from Citywalk. Soon to go on my door. Must continue editing, just needed to add that crucial update. Ta!
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[18 Jul 2005|08:46pm] |
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Goodbye happiness, hello crazy stupid bipolar-ish emotional mood swing things. Mmm, yeah, that pretty much covers it. In good news, I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for the third time in 3 days. Otherwise, everything else pretty much sucks. But I suppose going into detail would just make me reminisce about it, so I won't. I'm desperately trying to stay spoiler-free for HBP, but it seems that doing so makes me unable to go on the internet on any sites whatsoever. Or go to any public places. Or do anything else but stay cooped up inside my house, free from people talking. It's awful. I don't know what to do. Whatever, this was a pointless entry.
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| Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier! |
[16 Jul 2005|01:11am] |
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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (all Oompa Loompa songs) |
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AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was FANTABULOUS!
Absolutely, phenomenally, amazingly, wonderfully, fabulously,
terrifically, indescribably marvelous. I will walk through it (to
relive all the priceless moments), but realize that none of what I say
can truly capture the essence of what today brought. I can only
say that this makes up for, in so many ways, my below par Sweet 16
birthday. Though my birthday was not very good, and I was
disappointed, I can only say that today was what I am going to remember
as what my sixteenth birthday brought, a day of pure fun and joy; a
truly amazing experience.
8 am: Michelle wakes up to someone shaking her (I will now revert to
first person). My dad says, "Okay, I'm putting your money for
today here under your keyboard. It's your allowance up until
December. And I decided to throw in an extra ten dollars for you,
so you won't have to pay for it all." Oh thanks, Dad. I
mean, ten dollars goes amazingly far in Citywalk. But hey, I'm
not complaining. I'm too tired to complain, anyways. After
three of my dad's "can you hear me?"s and repeated shaking, I nod my
head into my pillow, and fall back asleep, only to be woken ten minutes
later by my father, again. "Is it okay that I put the dog in your
room? The maids are here, and I don't want her bothering
them." "No" is the only response I can give (after being rudely
awakened again), though my desired response was "No Dad, you cannot put
the dog in my room. Now please kindly leave me alone so I can
enjoy the remaining fifty minutes of sleep I have left!" So my
dad finally leaves, and I wake up to my alarm at 9. I go to take
a shower, realize the maids are cleaning my bathroom, and transport
soap, shampoo, conditioner, loofah, towels, and face cloth all to my
parent's shower. I shower, get dressed, and Andrea arrives to
whisk me away to Citywalk! At Citywalk, we see Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory in IMAX in the first showing! That's right, we
were the first people to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory played
in IMAX! It gives you a whole different feel. You're really
a part of the movie, it's all encompassing, and very personal.
The movie was, in a word, AMAZING. Andrea and I LOVED IT.
We will prove our love later in my story (and see below for a paragraph
giving my opinion on the movie) We then go into this amazing little
wind-up toy shop, and spend about 20 minutes just winding up and
watching these toys (fascinating). We then spend 15 minutes
bickering about what restaurant the other one wants to go to, before
deciding on Panda Panda. One lunch later, we head back to the
car, singing "Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka" and repeating quotes such as
"It was afraid it was getting a bit dodgy in the middle, but that
ending, just, wow!" and "Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but
that, my children, is called cannibalism, and it is frowned upon in
most societies". We are dropped off at my house, and try to
decide what to do. We end up walking ALL the way to Beanscene
(anyone who has never had that experience will not know the torture we
endured getting there, including blistered feet, sweating bodies, and a
dead rat in the road). A refreshing Beanscene, then off to Tony's
Pizza for, well, pizza. My dad is kind enough to pick us up, and
we get home just in time to be bored again. So I decide to teach
Andrea to ride a bike (yes, Andrea has never been taught to ride a bike
before, a sad sad detail in her life that I was determined to
fix). She had ridden once or twice before, so she got the hang of
it quickly, and before you knew it, we were riding all around the
creek. We then went in the tunnel (which I haven't been in for
ages), and proceeded to sing random songs (all from musicals, mostly
from Wicked). It was quite fun, and we headed back in time to
tell my parents we weren't eating fish for dinner. Besides, we
weren't that hungry, anyways. We sit and relax for awhile, then
head to the Promenade with my parents and my exchange students for a
movie. While my parents went to see War of the Worlds, Andrea and
I decided to pass on that movie, and go see Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory AGAIN! That's twice in one day, on opening day, my dear
readers. My exchange students decided to join us instead of my
parents, and we got pretty good seats, considering the line and
all. We then went to concessions, and got one popcorn for my
exchange students, and all our stuff (including one popcorn, one Pepsi,
one cherry icee, and two chocolate Wonka bars). Needless to say
this time the focus was more on the theater experience than the
movie. We proceeded to whisper our favorite lines to each other,
hold each other in anticipation at the right moments, and feel
imaginary-but-almost-real tears at the almost end for Willy Wonka, and
imaginary-but-almost-real tears of joy at the very end. My
exchange students understood most of it, but I believe they think that
American movie-going is one of the oddest, weirdest American traditions
known to man, having just seen Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory, starring Johnny Depp in one of his finest works yet. For
most Americans, it's magical. For exchange students, well, to
quote Willy Wonka, "It's just weird". After the movie's over, we
RUSH to Barnes and Noble to join the other four and a half billion
people condensed in that not-so-tiny bookstore to get HARRY POTTER AND
THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE!!! (our preordered copy, of course). We
feel the intensity as midnight arrives, then proceed to wait in
anticipation for the next fifty minutes when, at exactly 12:50, the
cashier hands me my copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,
complete with a poster for my room. Andrea and I were desperate
to get our hands on the Chocolate Factory soundtrack, but they closed
the music department, so we couldn't do so. Ah well, tomorrow
then. We read the first line ONLY of the book, stared in awe at
the cover, and made my exchange students feel extraodinarily akward
about our hyperness about a book (they were probably also wondering why
we would possibly go to the bookstore at midnight for it, as Harry
Potter isn't nearly as big there as it is here, apparently). We
are now at home, and I am currently updating my lj about my FANTABULOUS
DAY! Basically, today was wonderfully amazing, and is the best
sweet sixteen day ever (though I'll look over the fact my actual
birthday was two days ago). Either way, today was amazing, and I
will never forget it. Next? DISNEYLAND!
Analysis of the movie: (WARNING: If you haven't seen the movie, and don't want to know what happens, DO NOT READ)
Willy Wonka's character was absolutely AMAZING, one of Johnny's finest
roles. He
perfectly portrayed the mindset of a child whose father deprived him of
one of children's finer things in life, candy. Depp was the
epitamy of
what Roald Dahl had in mind for Willy Wonka: a man who couldn't stand
children because he himself had not experienced childhood the way it
was meant to be. His eutopian chocolate factory helped cover his
hurt
emotions of his own childhood, yet Charlie comes and breaks through the
walls of Wonka's dreamlike world, showing him that family can be there
for you, and in the end, Willy Wonka appreciates what Charlie and
family has to offer. The plot of Willy Wonka's father was crucial
to
explain why Wonka's the way he is. In the old movie, he was a man
with
no motives. This gives a
purpose and explanation to why Willy Wonka cannot bear children, and
his reason for becoming a genius of chocolate. The oompa loompas
were out-of-this-world characters; people brought in from a
completely new and foreign part of the world, with totally different
and unique characteristics, including their amazing talent for song and
improvisation, and their quirks were part of their culture. And
just
flat out hilarious! There were NO Michael Jackson impressions of
any
kind, and I don't understand why people would believe that Johnny would
try to imitate (consciously or subconsciously) Michael Jackson.
The factory is an odd, more dark version of the
one portrayed in the original movie. It stuck almost completely
to the novel, and the novel is what
Tim Burton wanted to create, which he successfully did so. Tim
Burton needed to (and did) give an ending to the movie, because
audiences wouldn't like being left hanging (as the book leaves
you). The
style was iconic of a 'Tim Burton-esc' world, and his unique style and
artistic concepts were true to his work. The puppets at the
beginning were a nice touch of dark humor, reflecting Willy Wonka's
twisted sense of humor, given to him by the lack of love his father had
given him. The pink sheep were a humorous take on cotton candy,
and Burton's reference to Hair ("Good morning starshine!") gave it a
laughable touch. Tim Burton gave this movie life, rejuvenated it,
and gave it a
totally unique spin, though
perhaps not similar to the original movie, because the original movie
was somewhat different from Roald Dahl's imagination of Charlie and
the Chocolate Factory. I also love that the lyrics of the Oompa
Loompas in the movie were the exact ones Roald Dahl used in his
book. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the Gene Wilder adaption of
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (of which is the original
movie). But Roald Dahl was one of my favorite childhood authors,
and I love that his book was done justice on two levels: one from a
fairytale like perspective for a child, and a darker, more intense look
that's a bit closer and truer to the book. YAY!
xoxoxoxo
~Michelle~
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| Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true... |
[11 Jul 2005|09:02pm] |
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Thank Goodness - Wicked |
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Guess what, guys? Can you guess? Can you? Come on! That's right......
I got tickets to Wicked!!!!!!!!!
Super long experience aside, the bottom line is that I have a ticket to
Wicked in San Francisco for Wednesday, August 24. I AM SO
HAPPY!!!! THIS IS AMAZING! AAAAHHHHHH!!!
That was my super exciting news. Um, yeah, my birthday's looking
like a blowover. I guess not every birthday can be fabulous, but
I was kinda hoping for my 16th birthday to be special. And unless
my family is secretly planning a huge surprise birthday party bash, I
have a feeling I'll be a bit disappointed. Well, whatever.
I'm trying to look up, and I won't let this ruin my summer. Just
focus on Wicked. And Harry Potter. And Andrea.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAILEY!
Michelle
( Andrea and Me in our FANTABULOUS PICTURES! )
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| Evil box: scary movies, insects, calories, and LIFE |
[10 Jul 2005|06:16pm] |
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As Long as You're Mine - Wicked |
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My Summer of Love is an effin AMAZING movie. Well, I guess it
depends on what you like. If you’re not into the whole artistic,
thought-provoking, beautiful in its own way, independent film kinda
thing, this movie isn’t for you. But since I AM into that kinda
stuff, I loved it. It was really amazing, I highly recommend
it. It is an independent, small-scale, British film, so it’s not
playing in major theaters. But it is definitely worth the small
drive to a lesser theater to see this film. It was truly
phenomenal.
Yesterday was Day 4 of true summer. Days 1,2, and 3 came from my
Big Bear trip for the 4th of July weekend. Day 4 was spent in the
company of the fantabulous Andrea Saulmon. It was kinda a
last-minute thing, but it was so fantastically wonderful. We
talked for like half an hour, then got the cutest little mini water
bottles. We then walked down to Starbucks for Frappuccinos (and a
toffee brownie thing), and Albertsons for CHEESECAKE! We got
these amazing chocolate chip cookie samples, and gum. We had
spaghetti and meatballs and bread for dinner, then went up and talked
in her awesome room. Andrea is just so cool that she got me an
extra playbill from Wicked. I LOVE HER! She told me as much
as she could without ruining anything, and we talked some more.
We watched some of Emperor’s New Groove, then went downstairs to cut
our cheesecake. Let me just say, that was an amazing
experience. Yes, cutting cheesecake is an amazing
experience. Hehe. We had a makeshift birthday cake with our
toffee brownie (fabulous pictures to come, once Andrea uploads the pics
from her digital). Good times, good times... We then
watched like 3/4 of Pretty in Pink, then my parentals came to pick me
up. But we’re getting together Friday, so it’s all cool.
And I’m GOING to see Wicked! I don’t care if I have to mug
someone with tickets, I’m GOING! WE ARE SO COOL, ANDREA! I
HEART YOU!
I finished my scuba training today. It was probably the best day
because we got just over 4 ½ hours in the pool. We did have to
wake up at 6, which wasn’t so fun, but I successfully set up all my
scuba gear (which is surprisingly difficult, for those of you rolling
your eyes). The first couple of hours were spent doing skills, but then
the last part was really fun. We got to do a lot of skin diving,
different kinds of boat entries, and at the end we fooled around on the
bottom until our air ran out.
Notes:
- my birthday: 3 DAYS! (Coach Blondi’s birthday is the same as mine)
- Andrea and I hang again: 5 days!
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: 5 days!!!
(Just in case I haven’t said this half a million times, I’ll be at the
midnight extravaganza at Barnes and Noble!)
- End of summer school: 18 days
- Vacation at Club Med in Dominican Republic: 18 days!
Love,
Michelle/cheesecake cutting queen/scuba master/almost birthday girl!
( Not neccessarily relevant pictures, but here nonetheless )
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| On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place. |
[06 Jul 2005|08:55pm] |
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Popular - Wicked |
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Well, I don't even know where to begin. So much has happened, and
yet nothing has happened. It doesn't seem to make sense, but it's
true. Again, this will probably be a very long entry, as I
fruitlessly try to catch up on everything/nothing that has been going
on here. I suppose things have been happening, events have been
going on in my life, but nothing of much substance.
We have two exchange students staying with us, both girls. Laura
is 16 and from Finland, and Rainbow is 14 and from Hong Kong.
They're both nice, though Laura is more of a personality match for
me. Rainbow speaks more English than Laura, but they're both
working hard to learn, and they're both very nice.
I must say, summer school has been rather disappointing. From the
beginning of the year, when I was sadly informed that because the
school messed up my schedule, I would have to take PE summer school, I
was really upset. More than half my summer would be wasted in PE,
which did not make me happy. But I decided to look on the bright
side, and try to make the best of it. I am here as living proof
to say that does NOT work. I was looking forward to losing
weight, which was my biggest positive to doing PE and running and doing
weight room every day. Mmm, yeah, not happening. For some
odd, unknown reason (well, maybe a little bit known), I haven't thinned
out at all, despite my hard attempts to run well and use the weight
room to its full advantage. I think part of the problem is when I
get home, I think 'Well, I did so much exercise, I'll just eat a lot of
crap!' I don't think that's helping, but I really don't eat that
much, so I should at least be losing a little. But I'm not, which
is awful, beacuse that was my summer goal. Well, there goes that
incentive. At least I have the fact that I'll get a tan, seeing
as we run every single day! Oh wait, that's not happening,
either. For some reason my skin is unable to tan, though at least
it's not burning. I suppose it's better that way, though, but I
would like a nice summer tan. Two down, one to go. I'll get
some muscle! I rebuild all the muscle I lost from dance, using
the weight room and all! Oops, that one isn't working,
either. My muscles were sore the first week, and that was
it. Unless I lift some impossible amount of weight, which is
bound to permanently hurt me, I don't get sore anymore, which means I'm
not building any muscle. Great, that means summer school PE is
doing absolutely nothing for me except making me feel miserable.
I don't know what I would do withough my iPod. Honestly, running
would be a nightmare without it.
For the 4th of July weekend I went up to Big Bear with my family, our
exchange students, and the Icelands (whose cabin we were using with
them). It was a really wonderful weekend, the first true summer
experience thus far. The first time I totally forgot my worries
and was basically carefree. This was the only weekend that has
happened, even though summer's been going on for over two weeks.
Saturday we went to an antique fair, which was nice to wander
around. Sunday we went on a stagecoach ride through the town, and
had dinner at the Peppercorn. Monday was a fabulous 4th of
July. We rented out a pontoon boat for 4 hours, and brought lunch
on board. We went around the lake, then stopped in the middle to
have lunch, and feed the ducks. I drove the boat for a bit, then
settled myself on the very back of the boat, which was amazing.
Laying on my stomach, I lay there in the warm sun rereading Harry
Potter 5, while Steve drove the boat around the lake. It was such
a relaxing experience, with the sun on my back and reading a good book
and looking up every once in awhile to see the lake below me, just
wonderful. That night we watched the fireworks over the lake,
then drove home.
I just finished rereading Harry Potter 5, to get ready for Half-Blood
Prince. I didn't want to forget anything, so I had to go back and
reread the book. I remembered how much a book can be your best
friend. I was so wrapped up in it, I was bringing it with me
everywhere. My goodness, how I love Harry Potter. I'm so
looking forward to the next one! I can't wait! Since I
preordered it, I'm going to the midnight party at Barnes and Noble in
the Promenade, just like I did last year! YESSS! And then
me, my mom, and Alicia will start our traditional night chapter
reading. Please, no one ruin it for me. Last time Alicia's
friend told her who died, and she had to sit with that knowledge the
whole book without telling me or my mom because we didn't want to be
spoiled. I want to enjoy and savor number 6 to its fullest!
As usual, as soon as summer begins, I can't wait for Skylake. I
know it's in September and all, but it's still probably my favorite
weekend of the entire year. That's right, even better than
Christmas or my birthday. It's truly my weekend, the weekend I
treasure forever.
I'm also looking forward to our Dominican Republic trip to Club
Med. We're currently getting certified for scuba diving, and it
should be a lot of fun, going snorkeling and scuba diving and sailing
and riding horses and all that jazz.
I am SO behind on all my summer work! I haven't started any of
it! I'm so screwed, and it just burdens down on me every
day. I need to start, I need to start, I WILL START BEFORE THIS
WEEKEND! English and U.S. History, watch out!
Jace came over last Friday and helped me totally clean and redo my
room. It looks fabulous now, very much how I wanted it to
look. Very clean, just how I like it.
My birthday's coming up in a week (exactly).
My dad got me a printer for a Confirmation gift, and I need to set it
up. Yet another goal to add to the list, set up printer. It
was very nice of him, though.
I feel lonely, yet not. Adrift, more like. Just floating.
I want something really great to happen this summer. I really
do. Something fantastic and wonderful. I know that these
kind of things happen when you're least expecting it, but still, I want
something special to remember this summer by, and I have a feeling
it'll be just... ordinary.
I seriously NEED to go to Disneyland with Andrea! It's a
necessity, summer will not be summer without it. If only our
schedules and people willing to drive coincided... I also want to
get to Magic Mountain with Sarah and/or Shaunna, because I miss that
place. It's been awhile, I need to get back on them coasters!
Yeah, so no job. I can't say I'm completely saddened by this, because
I really don't need another thing on my plate, but I am disappointed
because this means I don't have money for a car.
License hopefully in August, guys! Which reminds me, I have to
set up 2 more prepatory lessons, to make sure I actually pass!
Unfortunately, a car is not so likely. My parents refuse to get
me one until I graduate high school, so if I want one any sooner, I
gotta get it myself. And since I don't have a job, I don't have
money for it. Which means *heaves huge sigh*, no car for
Michelle. Tragic, simply tragic.
Alicia is currently in Greece, probably having a great time. And
I'm not, because I'm in summer school. Now exactly how much does
that suck? A LOT.
I need to see Wicked! My mom is supposedly trying to get tickets,
but knowing her, she'll look the day before, then be like "Oh, they
were sold out. Sorry." I NEED TO SEE IT!
I have seen so many movies! Mr. and Mrs. Smith is great! I
saw it twice. Bewitched isn't very good, Star Wars was great,
Batman Begins was fantastic, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was
good. And I still have many more to see!
This is not the summer I expected. I have so much summer stress,
be it tiny things like writing e-mails or big things like summer
work. Either way, I'm not happy with the way this summer is going.
I sit everyday thinking about what I should be doing, yet I never seem
to do it. Procrastination leads to diasppointment. I
procrastinated, thus I am disappointed. I'd better change out of
this vicious cycle fast.
I feel like I waste every day because of summer school. By the
time it's over at 12:30, I shower, and have something to eat, the day's
halfway done! Then I can't do any full day things like Disneyland
or Magic Mountain, or go anywhere big or anything. Summer school
is ruining my days.
Andrea seems to be my outlet for all this pressure and stress.
Thanks for being there for me, Andrea. I can't thank you enough,
but I hope that I let you know just how much you mean to me.
Life has gotten less confusing. Simpler, even, because nothing is
going on worth contemplating. Nothing but this odd sense of
drifting and nothing. I need some substance, something to hold on
to. Something worthwhile. I'm tired of summer school filled
days, pointless staring at my computer screen, and constant parental
feuds. I'm tired of this summer, I want a fabulous summer, one
that I was expecting, not this crap we call summer. GIVE ME
SOMETHING I CAN LOOK BACK ON!
I need to go summer shopping. However, I'm broke, so that might
prove to be a problem. How I end up spending all this money, I
don't know. Chances are it's on movies and Starbucks. I
have innumberable gift cards, yet no cash. That's not a good sign.
In other news, Nathan has an internship at a cheese shop. How
cool is that? That's right, folks, a cheese shop. I bet I
could test him on the characteristics of cheese! Maybe I'll give
him a cheese quiz sometime. Sorry guys, I just think that cheese
is one of the funniest foods (and words) ever, so the fact that he
works at a cheese shop is awesome to me.
And running is making me break out. Great, just fantastic.
I want something spectacular to happen for my birthday. I know
that's asking too much, for someone else to make my birthday great, but
I do. I want something great, remember-worthy. Well, my
expectations are low, and I'm betting I'll be disappointed, so I'm
trying to give up on that dream.
I feel my French slowly decreasing, my understanding slowly
waning. I want someone I can practice my French with besides my
father or my grandmother, who aren't really much help. Any
takers? French conversations!
Yeah, so that's my super long pointless entry about absolutely
nothing. Hope you enjoyed it (for you who actually read it, which
is probably no one).
~Michelle~
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| And summer commences... |
[18 Jun 2005|12:26am] |
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Mr. Brightside |
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And so ends my sophomore year of high school. Well, this is going
to be a long entry. As the official 'end of the school year'
entry, it has a right to stand out as an especially long, and probably
emo, entry. However, I feel that this should be overlooked, and I
hope that some of you will find that you feel similar, if not the same,
and can relate to some of the stuff I have to say. Please excuse
the scattered thoughts, I wanted to get most everything down, caring
more about the content then the organization.
I've gotta say, it was an amazing year. A lot of ups, even more
downs, some connections were made, some were cut, life really changed
for me this year. Someone told me once, "There'll be one year of
high school that will change your outlook on life. And it may not
seem like it when you're going through it, but at the end of the year,
you'll look back on it and realize you're a different person. And
though Senior year is mostly a given in that respect, those other three
years will have one time, one year in particular, that will stand out
to you." Well folks, this was the year. I can't be 100%
sure about that, since I haven't finished my junior year yet, but I'm
fairly certain this year was 'the year'. I'm an upperclassman now.
So many things have morphed and changed this year, including (but not
limited to): friends, family, my beliefs, my outlook on life, certain
rules I set for myself, and... well... me. I've changed.
Better? Worse? I have yet to find out, I don't really
know. But I've changed, and I'm sure most of you can see that.
Yesterday I was really depressed about school ending. For the
first time in quite a few years, I felt very nonstalgic about the whole
situation; no more school, grades, studying (except for summer work),
and sleeping. But for some reason, I woke up this morning, and
knew life was great. It's an odd feeling, but satisfying.
I want to talk about my morals, ethics, principles, standards, so on
and so forth. I must admit, they've been shaken this past
year. Things I never thought I'd question have wavered on the
line of indecision, and the black and white of life seems to have
turned grey while my back was turned. I was confronted with
things I always heard I'd have to deal with in high school, but hadn't
really experienced until this year. I suppose I knew this was coming,
but I never expected it so suddenly. They're hard to deal with
right now, but I hope I'll end up making the right decisions. And
hopefully, the people who matter most will stand by me to help me make
the right choices, because some are unalterable, bad, and just plain
stupid, and I'd hate to think I'd become someone like that.
There were so many specific things that really affected me:
Confirmation service, The Music Man performances, my Sweet 16 birthday
party, applying for my first job, the list goes on and on. But
it's the more long-term, general stuff that really changed me: slowly,
over time. And, since the year has ended, I feel comfortable
sharing them. Things like driving (hopefully getting my license
in August), which has made me realize in just how fleeting a second
your life can be taken away. The delicate balance of life and
death can be toppled from one swerve, one drunk driver, one run red
light. I'm working really hard to be the best driver I can be,
both in my driving and my awareness of others' driving, because I don't
want my life taken away.
Old habits have come back to haunt me, while new habits have
evolved. I will have to put on my list for next year to try and
break them, though we all know how hard it is to break the
go-to-bed-at-3 am-and-wake-up-at-5-to-get-all-your-work-done habit.
For the first time, I think I'll be able to go back to school next
year, at least semi-comfortable in the little niche I've created for
myself at OPHS.
I feel I've become more distant with my family over the past
year. I don't really connect with my parents like I used
to. I mean, home life has never been ideal for me (not saying I'm
this poor, abused child, I'm just stating it hasn't been eutopian), and
it's not getting any better. But yet somehow I'm still
emotionally attached with these very thick cords and strings to the
family 'mode', perhaps because I'm so desperate for it. Well,
this is what a car is for. For those times that you need to get
away before you do something brash that you'll regret. That's why
I need a car so bad. Even my sister is more distant. We
have such clear-cut differences, it's hard to form that inpenetrable
bond with someone you don't share much in common with (besides
heritage).
This year has been very bipolar. Sometimes I felt I was stuck in
this deep abyss of depression, mad at the world, myself, and life in
general. Other times, I was in such joy, I felt everything was
perfect, and I had full control of my life.
And through all my insecurities, many of which still follow me, I came out alive.
My crush really brought me out of my shell. I was more outgoing
than I thought I ever could be, though something as simple as asking a
question became increasingly difficult. And yet I did it, and I
discovered much more about myself than I thought I would. I guess
I'm just trying to make the best out of the situation, but honestly, it
wasn't such a terrible thing. Sometimes (well, almost always,
actually) one-way emotions are tough, and unreciprocated feelings are
very difficult to deal with. And this wasn't so much difference
in the emotions as it was in the way I seemed to learn from them.
I don't know, it leaves me very bittersweet towards the whole
situation, but I will never, ever regret liking such a sweet and caring
person.
Regardless of how well I know the seniors, or how well they know me,
they will be missed by me. Role models, admire magnets, talented,
and smart, this senior class seemed to have it all. And off they
go in all different directions to fulfill their dreams, reach for a
goal, or bring their true passions in life forward from the
back-burner. And I know each of them will find some way to
succeed in life. True, I didn't know them as long, or as well, as
many of you out there. Hell, Music Man was my only 'bonding'
experience with them at all. But yet, each of you has impacted
and left an imprint, no matter how inconspicuous, on me.
Mannerisms will remind me of you, deja vu will bring back memories, and
both reminders and memories (and the looks at the pictures I have to
cherish) will make me realize the extent to which even a small
interaction can do wonders. Through you, the senior class, I have
found specific people including, but not limited to the characteristics
of: talent on a level I've never seen, pure, unfiltered
kind-heartedness of which I didn't realize still existed in the world,
athletic dramees of which I had no idea were mixed, and a bond between
of each of you which left me speechless. So, my own personal
farewell to the seniore class. Through laughter I never thought
could stop, tears I never thought could stop, and that insane bonding I
felt when I was in the presence of every one of you, I give you my
happiest hopes, and wellest wishes, in full confidence that each of
your abilities will lead to to accomplish whatever you want in
life. I'm sure this is the same speech you've heard countless
times before, during, and after graduation, and I'm sure you all know
how true it is, no matter how much it is said, but one more time
couldn't hurt too much. You've been role models for me, and I'd
like to think that I can sketch the lines of the rest of my high school
life with the chalk left from the marks you've made (no matter how bad
a metaphor that was). Way too many words to express one simple
thought here: Thanks to each and every one of you, you don't know how
you've changed the view of one sophomore/junior.
And I just want to say happy birthday to one of the sweetest, smartest,
prettiest, cheerfulest, nicest, most caring people I know: Michelle
Kislak. You're amazing, and you deserve the best!
I'm going to try and buy myself a car this summer. This is where
the job is needed, so raise money for my car fund. It's a
stretch, and honestly, I have very large doubts I'll actually get a car
this summer, since my parents refuse to buy me one, so I have to pay
for all of it myself. Even with all my Bat Mitzvah money, I
couldn't buy one. So I just have impossibly high hopes that I
find $5,000 in a rain gutter, and, with my Bat Mitzvah money, buy
myself a car.
Grades seemed less important this year. I mean sure, I stressed
about them. I stayed up late and woke up early, but it just
seemed to slip this year. Maybe it was my jolt back to the
reality of a social life that made my work ethic lag, the fact that I
didn't have dance to pressure my workload. Whatever it was, I'll
have to get it back for next year, because there's no way I'll survive
junior year without it. Junior, what a foreign word. Took
me long enough to get used to sophomore. Finals? Psssh,
don't ask. I figured out after Henderson gave me my Algebra II
score the extent to which I truly didn't care about my grades at the
end of the year. I was so done with grades, I had given up.
What a stupid thing to do.
This summer will be amazing, I can feel it. So many things are
waiting to happen, and are planning to happen, I can't wait. I am
going to have so much fun, and I love the anticipation. Besides
summer work and summer school, I see a fantastic summer ahead of me.
Living
In
Fervent
Emotion
Ain't that the truth? I'm always living through my emotions.
And I now close my sophomore year of high school.
Love,
Michelle
( You want to see my fabulous lab group? In the middle of a lab, no less! )
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[12 Jun 2005|05:58pm] |
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May this be our blessing |
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My friends are my life. Seriously, you guys make my world go round. Without you, I'd be nothing. And this is meant for every single on of you. No matter how much/little interaction we may have, each and every one of you has left an imprint in my life. I've shared amazing times with you guys, and I couldn't have gotten through this year without you. Two amazing events happened this weekend, and I'll elaborate on both of them.
CONFIRMATION
Friday afternoon, I went to get my hair cut, and Valerie was super nice and did my hair for no extra charge, because I told her it was my Confirmation right afterwards. Jewish Confirmation, for all of you who don't know. Then I went to the Confirmation dinner, and everyone looked fabulous. Seriously, all of you guys looked amazing. Pictures, amazing food, MASHED POTATOES, ECLAIRS, and then the service. 3 1/2 hours, guys. That's a LONG time, but it was SO WORTH IT. I loved hearing everyone's speeches, and it was so emotional when the Rabbi talked to us and blessed us. And I must admit, I got a little teary-eyed when we walked back and everyone started clapping, and then one of the most emotional group hugs ever. Then the oneg, Israeli dancing (ah, those childhood memories), and the SLEEPOVER. It was way fun. The spa and the sleeping bag talks, good times, good times. A little list of 'are love' to remember it by:
Spa + jokes are love
Sarah's bed is love
TV flipping is not love
Couch sleeping is not love
3 am sleeping bag conversations are PURE LOVE
Pillow fights are love
Egyptian ratscrew is love
B.S. is take-forever love
Israeli dancing is love
Over 3 hour services are looong love
Aaron's rendition of Mi Chamocha and Redeption Song was fabulous love
Rabbi's blessing was LOVE
Rabbi Greenbaum's last Confirmation class is love
POST CONFIRMATION WILL BE LOVE!
Long live the Confirmation class of 2005
Confirmation class, we have grown so close in the past year. It meant so much to me that we were like a little Jewish family. You guys are so fabulous, you deserve everything the world has to offer. I know most of you are doing post-confirmation, so I look forward to another incredible year.
PARTY
Awesomely fabulous. BJs has the best food EVERR, and I'm so glad you all came. It was super fun, and I'm so happy you all had a good time. PIZOOKIES RULE THE WORLD!
AFTER PARTY
My aunt, Alicia, and I all went to the beach with my dog, Sphinga, and Jace's dog, Becca. And we got a ticket. Wait, what? Yep, we got a TICKET for our dogs being on the beach. But the policeman was really nice, and gave us tips to fight the ticket and not have to pay, and even gave us the name of another beach that allowed dogs. So now I'm home, and fully ready to open all my presents.
L'chi lach to a land that I will show you
L'ch l'cha to a place you do not know
L'chi lach on your journey I will bless you
And you shall be a blessing, you shall be a blessing
You shall be a blessing lechi lach
L'chi lach and I shall make your name great
L'ch l'cha and all shall praise your name
L'chi lach to the place that I will show you
L'simhat hayim, L'simhat hayim
L'simhat hayim lechi lach.
And you shall be a blessing, you shall be a blessing
You shall be a blessing l'chi lach.
May we be blessed as we go on our way.
May we be guided in peace.
May we be blessed with health and joy.
May this be our blessing.
AMEN
May we be sheltered by the wings of peace
May, we be kept in safety and love.
May grace and compassion find their way to every soul
May this be our blessing.
AMEN
Two beautiful songs from Confirmation. And you have no idea how hard it is to carry the Torah in heels.
P.S. Confirmation class, I am so happy and comforted that I'm not the only one questioning my beliefs. Our talk? Priceless.
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| I'm done with Hi Fi |
[09 Jun 2005|03:31pm] |
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I'm done with Hi Fi. It's over. I'm done with Hi Fi. I could just keep repeating that all day. I'm done with Hi Fi.
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| Summer sun, something's begun |
[02 Jun 2005|07:33pm] |
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Summer Nights - Grease |
] |
The spa was amazing. So relaxing and calm and peaceful. And we got the works: manicures, pedicures, facials, massages, wraps... just... everything. It was so wonderful, I loved it.
Grease is the most addicting movie. Ever.
Summer is going to be so busy for me. I have so much going on, but hopefully it’ll be really fun. I think it will. I’m so ready for school to end, really I am. I’m just tired of it, and I find myself not really caring anymore about grades. I just want it done with, and summer to come. But these next two weeks will be SO busy. Every second of every day is accounted for, and carefully planned out. So much stuff, SO much. It’s overwhelming. It’s really, really overwhelming. I didn’t go to my first two periods on Wednesday, I just came to school for the last one, because I didn’t want to miss the Hi Fi presentations. I was just so stressed with everything I had to do, I needed that time.
You ever see a person, and what they’re going through, and wonder how they can possibly stay strong? How they can be so supportive and enduring, so dedicated and willing to solve, and you just stand back and admire? How can people do that? How can people have so much going on, and yet maintain the basic fundamentals of human nature and moral? Such genuinely good people are rare, and it’s amazing when you find them. Just to see them, how they go about their daily lives, and how much you wish you could be like them. Appreciate these people, we probably have no idea how much inner strength it takes to stay that way, even in the midst of hell. I know I don’t appreciate them enough.
I can't wait until Sunday, June 12! It will be so much fun!
Love,
Michelle
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| Ah, the joys of our creek |
[26 May 2005|07:10pm] |
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Avenue Q |
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Okay, well I’m going to pull a Michael Martin here, and write, in detail, about my entire experience. So bear with me, those who can. Yes, I do realize I’m updating almost every day, but that’s just how life goes.
I don’t really want to get into detail about the whole fiasco that started it, but, in short, my mother made me absolutely furious. I was fuming, and was pretty much about to make my entire house a living hell. I was absolutely enraged, and no one enjoys Michelle’s angry wrath. However, the tiny shred of sanity left in me thought ‘Hey, why don’t you get OUT of the house? Go on, get out. Don’t make things worse for yourself by being surrounded in the confinement of the things that are making you angry. Just GO.’ Well, for once in my life, I listened to my intuition, and left the house (although not before grabbing 3 essential items: my cell, my iPod, and $20). However, being as I’m still un-licensed, and stealing a car was still in the realm of my sanity to realize it probably wasn’t the best choice, my only option was my bike. The tires were probably in need of some pumping, and I hadn’t used it in awhile, but a bike nonetheless was the most appropriate choice. Fine, I get my bike out of my garage, and then find my helmet (no, I wasn’t sane enough to do so, but putting a helmet on is just a natural instinct now, more than an actual choice). I put my helmet on, and realized my sister had decided to go with her friend on a bike ride the week before and, without asking, had let her friend use my bike and my helmet. My bike wasn’t changed, but the helmet was tightened as far as it would go, and I was in no position to fiddle with my helmet to get it to the right size. So, I toss it to the ground and try on my sister’s. Too small, as well. Fine, you know what? Screw the damn helmet, I’m going without. So I get on my bike, blare my iPod in my ears, and head off at an amazing rate down my street, up Conifer, and I start down Kanan. And for once in my life, I was completely uncaring of the gaping stares by everyone passing by me in a car. I had no idea where I was going, and I quite frankly didn’t care. After about 5-10 minutes, I reach the shopping centers, and Starbucks seems like a nice destination. I get a grande caramel frappuchino light, and sit outside with my bike, listening to my iPod and drinking my frap. I watch people go in and out of Starbucks, the cars in the parking lot, and subconsciously start thinking about my anger. What exactly am I angry about? Was it really that big of a deal? Did I have to act that way? It’s strange that these questions can go on subconsciously, but they did, and then they entered my conscious train of thought as a song ended on my pod. Well, once I was consciously thinking about them, I realized it really wasn’t so bad, and I should have let it go, instead of having the whole situation get to me, piss me off, and add stress to my already world record-breaking stress level. I finish my frap, and get on my bike to head back. I’m thinking I should probably get on the right side of the road, so I’m not in the bike lane headed towards oncoming traffic, but I really don’t feel like facing the near-death dangers of crossing the street at the awful intersection of Kanan and Tamarind. So, I take my chances, and stay on the left. Luckily, albeit a few angry glares from people in SUVs (I’m not sure why the kind of car makes a difference, but all the glares came from people in SUVs), I made it home safely. Oddly enough, I approached my house relatively happy. What a mood swing, from vehement fury to near contentment. However, I still didn’t really feel like going back in the house, and I was on a particularly good song on my pod, so I biked right past my house, and down Conifer (the other direction this time). Okay, around the creek it is. It was much nicer than my ride to Starbucks and back. Much more quiet, with no cars rushing past, and an in-tune sense with nature. At the risk of sounding like a sad, cliche attempter of imagery poetry, the peace was very relaxing, and induced a feeling of calm, without thoughts rushing through my head (which is usually the case these days, with all the stress I have) or anger clouding my head. With the wind blowing my hair, I half expected to see someone I know walking ahead of me on the path, but such was not the case. I was in solitude on my trip around the creek. Well, I get back to my house, and realize that another good song is playing on my pod, and I still don’t quite feel like it’s time to enter my house yet, so I bike past yet again. As I go down Conifer again, intending to take another tour around the creek, I see a sharp hill sloping down, looking like a lot of fun to just turn my bike down and plunge. However, my sanity and sense of judgement has returned by this point, and I figure it’s not the smartest idea to go down without a helmet. Ah well, another time. I go around the creek again, and stop on the bridge to look down at the creek for a second. A mother duck and her 7 ducklings (looked like they had just been born a few days ago) were in the creek, wading through the reeds. I watched them attempt to find food, and then their mother decided it was time to go downstream, so she floated along down the creek, with 7 little ducklings half waddling, half swimming behind her in a long, straight line. It was such a picturesque moment. But it was time to go, so I returned home, this time retreating back into the house and, well, here I am, writing this. I have loads and piles and mountains of homework to do, but I can do it more effectively now that I’m in a better mood. Plus, it was a nice workout, even if that wasn’t the original intention. And to all of you who read this ‘till the very end, I applaud you.
Love,
Michelle
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| You look like David Hasselhoff - Avenue Q |
[25 May 2005|06:33pm] |
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Avenue Q |
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Relationships can’t be replicated. Imitated, but never duplicated. You can’t look at two people’s connection with each other, and make copies of it for yourself. Yes, you can mimic it, but relationships are based on the personalities of the people involved, which then affects what they do and how they do it. And no matter how much you wish you could clone a bond between people, you really have to forge your own relationships. You can use people as models, but you can’t get an identical affiliation with someone. And you can’t take someone from a relationship, and try to re-create the same relationship with them that they have with another person. What they have is a unique connection, and you have a completely different personality that, when meshed, will create quite a different result. You can’t copy/paste personalities or relationships. And if you try to parallel your personality to someone else’s, you’ll turn out as a bad carbon copy of them. What they have is specialized for them, not for you to try and duplicate. You just can’t, plain and simple.
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[23 May 2005|08:41pm] |
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Climbing Uphill |
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Apparently fortune cookies are only temporary.
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[20 May 2005|11:11pm] |
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One Day I'll Fly Away - Hailey version (hehe) |
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Well, I now have a fair amount of faith in fortune cookies. Oh, and my French phrases calendar holds odd significance, too. Every day is a new random phrase, and yet I can always find it applicable to one part or another of my day. And Jess has chosen me to do this survey, so what the heck, I'll give it a go.
1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: An innumerable amount. I'm not even going to try counting, there are just way too many.
2) The last film(s) I bought: Phantom of the Opera
3) The last film I watched: Star Wars Episode III!
4) Six films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (though there are hundreds):
a. Phantom Of the Opera
b. Dirty Dancing
c. The Matrix
d. Casablanca
e. The Princess Bride
f. Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark
5). Pick six people and have them put this in their journal
1.sarstar329
2.no_exit_
3.sarah_the_loser
4.xdancin_queenx
5.oz_bex_zo
6.freecityy
Well that was fun. The Variety Show was wonderful, guys! Everyone who was in it did a fabulous job, I commend you all. And afterwards Jess and I went to Starbucks for some quality time. I <3 you, Jess! Season finale of Gilmore Girls was last Tuesday. Words I have to wait an entire 3 MONTHS to get answered:
"Luke, will you marry me?"
3 MONTHS! Ah well, hopefully time will pass quickly, because I am NOT going to waste this summer! I am going to make sure I have an awesome time. Friends and beaches and amusement parks and vacations and lots of fun, exciting stuff! This is going to be a good weekend, I can feel it.
<3
Michelle
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[18 May 2005|08:53pm] |
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I just hope to G-d fortune cookies are true.
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| Blame Booze and Melville |
[11 May 2005|09:32pm] |
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Point of No Return |
] |
What to say, what to say...
Well, with the small exception of summer school PE, this summer looks
like it's going to shape up to be a pretty good one. And even
summer school has its perks. I'm hoping to get semi-fit in PE,
having to run every day and all. That's my goal for it. Not
to focus on the running, or the fact that it's summer, or any of
that. Just keep my eye on the goal, I can look and feel better by
getting fit from PE. I plan on getting a job so I can make some
money (hey, I'm stuck in OP with summer school anyway, might as well
get some money and do some work). We're also getting a Finnish
exchange student (girl), and I love when we get exchange students, so
that should be fun. After summer school ends, we're going to
Dominican Republic to Punta Kana beach's Club Med for 11 days, which
should be AMAZING. Not only is Club Med amazing, but we get to go
scuba diving and ride horses on the beach, which has been my dream
since I was seven. Not to mention all the other fabulous things
Club Med has to offer. Then, of course, there's hanging out with
friends, going to the beach, and doing whatever summer work is required
for my Junior classes. Holy crap, I'm gonna be a Junior next
year. That's a really strange thought...
Today I went to visit both Jessie's at work in the Promenade. I
had dinner at Champagne for Jessie B., then had dessert at Cold Stones
for Jessie J. Very awesome and cool. Yes, both adjectives
were necessary.
Oh, and last night's Gilmore Girls? Incredible. Absolutely
incredible. I have so many possible season finale ideas for next
week going around in my head, I can't wait until next Tuesday!
WHO WILL PROPOSE?
I've come to appreciate the amazing friends I've made this year, and
even the aquaintances. After World War III/Global meltdown in
this household a few nights ago, I was going to skip school the next
day. Absolutely planning on it. Then, at the last second, I
decided to go, regretting it as soon as I stepped on campus. But
my friends were all so supportive and nice and sweet, I am so sincerely
glad I have them to back me, and I was happy I decided to go, after
all. And I find myself smiling and waving at so many more people
as I walk across campus. Or talking to someone about nothing in
particular. Or laughing about a coyote chase. Or
downloading Cher. Or sitting next to the pool, jeans rolled up,
dipping our feet in the water. A few friendships have been
broken, but many more have been made. I finally felt like I
showed a bit of spine this year, and it makes me feel more
individualistic. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I'm just
saying how much everyone's helped me grow so much as a person this
year. And to each and every one of you; friend, aquaintance, or
otherwise. And the biggest thank you of all goes out to the Music
Man cast. Words can't begin to cover it, but I think you all
should know what a significant impact you've made on my life.
Mais s'il vous plait promettez moi que parfois, vous penserez à moi.
Love,
Michelle
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| That Sucks |
[02 May 2005|02:53pm] |
Well, what can I say that hasn't already been said? I've read countless entries over the last 2 days from the cast members of Music Man, and they all hold the same message, though in different words. And I, like each and every one of them, feels the same. That was the best experience of high school so far, and one of the best experiences of my life. I bonded with so many people, and got to know everyone so much better. I made new friends, and there's this strong sense of everyone coming together to create one spectacular thing that really shows how great it is. In fact, I can sum it all up in one sentence.
It was fucking amazing.
I can't describe how I felt about it, and I won't try to, because nothing I could ever put into words would do it justice. I am so sad that it's over. Unforgettable, everything about it. And circle closing night made me cry. The seniors, who I just started knowing in what, February? They made me cry. I didn't think I would, because I haven't known them as long as others of you have, but the speeches just made tears roll down my cheeks. And I took something from each and every senior speech to heart. As melodramatic as it sounds, I have a whole new outlook on high school. From now on, I'll take advantage of every opportunity. I'll enjoy the high school experience, instead of waiting for it to be over. I am so glad I got to know all of you, and I would never trade that experience for anything. From the beginning of auditions to the end of set strike (for those who came), I always felt welcome and really enjoyed being with all the people that made Music Man so great. I love you guys so much. To the seniors, good luck. I know you'll all do great in college, and I hope you'll come back to visit from time to time. I aspire up to all of you, and the best of luck in whatever path of life you may choose.
This was seriously one of the best experiences of my life, and I can't imagine it being over. The entire cast was amazing, truly amazing. Thank you everyone for showing me this wonderful opportunity to make high school worth it. And just to end on a lighter note:
Ryan Schwartz: That sucks.
Love,
Michelle
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[21 Apr 2005|09:51pm] |
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You Make Me Feel So Young - Frank Sinatra |
] |
This is the last entry I'm posting until Music Man, for many
reasons. Mainly, because I want everyone to come, and I want this
ad to be the first thing people see. Secondly, I don't want to
update with anything until I've gotten through hell week, the cast
party, homework, etc. And just before I place my ad, I'd like
everyone to know I had one of the best nights. And that's
interesting, because nothing happened with the thing most on my mind
these days. However, it was amazing. I love you, Hailey and
Jessica. We have the greatest times together. I mean, who
else could I sing at the Gatorade machine with, or chase coyotes
with? And basically, just be myself and have a great time
with. Hehe, good times... I <3 you both!!! And I'll let
Jessie deal with how I'm feeling about guys right now. Read her
lj. But now, for the ad:
COME SEE:
THE MUSIC MAN
AT THE OPHS PAVILION
THURSDAY, APRIL 28 AT 7:00
FRIDAY, APRIL 29 AT 7:00
AND SATURDAY, APRIL 30 AT 2:00 AND 7:00
(THAT'S NEXT WEEKEND!)
GUYS, THIS WILL BE AN AMAZING
SHOW, AND NONE OF YOU WILL WANT TO MISS IT. COME AND SEE THE
WONDERFUL PERFORMANCES. ALL OUR LEADS ARE FABULOUS, AS ARE OUR
DANCERS, SINGERS, WA TAN YE GIRLS, AND (OF COURSE) THE GRECIAN URN
LADIES! COME AND ENJOY!
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| Si vous saviez seulement |
[19 Apr 2005|10:09pm] |
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Come What May |
] |
WARNING:
Possible emo entry, containing emotional content and other, rather
boring stuff to most of you. More for getting things off my chest
than anything else. Consider yourself warned.
It's been a long time since I've done a truly thorough entry. As
worthless as they seem, they usually help me get a lot off my chest. I
don't even know where to begin and I'm sure I wont be able to get
through it all tonight. But I might as well start...
Funny how days appear to be now. It seems as if they start out
with the potential of being good, possibly even great. It’s
really important to my attitude of the day that I wake up in a good
mood. Otherwise, it seems the whole day is ruined. But this
past week, and now this week, seems to start out at the top of the
hill, then slowly roll downwards, faster and faster. I wake up
content enough, but somewhere between when school ends and around 6,
things start becoming not as good. Steadily they decrease, and by
the end of the night, I’m tired, stressed, and usually a bit
cantankerous. I really try to stay in a positive mood, especially
at night (who wants a cranky person at rehearsals? It’s hard
enough that they’re sometimes tedious, the least I can do is keep an
upbeat mood), but it’s difficult. I have a few reasons I can
point to, but it all really comes down to myself.
Last week I discovered a large amount of items that will basically
demote us new juniors to the status of freshmen. Things such as:
supposedly no junior prom, no off-campus for juniors, no teacher-aides
except for seniors, and my semester of Art holds no purpose anymore, so
I wasted a semester for no reason, because of this new Visual and
Performing Arts credits rule. Well, there’s nothing I can do to
change it, so I will just accept it and move on.
I sincerely miss dancing. Truly and honestly, dancing was my
outlet to life. All my anger, pressure, stress, and overall
ickiness disappeared when I danced. Sure, I’m no Mandy Korpinen
or Hogan Fulton, but nonetheless, I felt that when I danced, I could
just let everything go. Especially Time After Time last
year. That dance really inspired me, and whenever I was on-stage
performing it (even for the judges at competition), somehow my body
just... well.... danced. I miss that feeling very much, and I
have yet to find another hobby that can take its place.
When Hailey asked me what the symbolism was to ‘Dollies Bazaar’, I
honestly told her I didn’t know. I don’t know. But there
has to be some. I can just feel it when I read the poem that I’m
reading something much bigger than I actually comprehend. I wish
I could figure it out...
Why do I keep putting up these pointless lists about
boyfriends/girlfriends? Perhaps because I’m pining... I really
don’t know. But I liked this one:
31 Things Guys Should Know About Girls: Written by a guy after years of
experience.
1. Be prepared if you just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each
other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you
will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of
them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them
wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to hold them. If they're going out with you in
the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
8.5. If you DO sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
9. You can be dirty minded, in private
10. Not all of them eat like birds; a lot of them can eat like whales. (lol.)
11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do
discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your
girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your
friends will know you're a sissy.
11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay most of the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a
stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're
dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off,
call to be sure she's home safely.
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if
she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never
make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents
and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to
their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. Don't flirt with their mom...that’s just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding.
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your
friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with
you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. This goes for phone numbers too.
27. Don't marinade the cologne.
28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or
Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be
meaningful.
29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have
started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you,
you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you
would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of
power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
31. Don't ever do anything wrong. Girls remember things for life and
anything you did wrong will be used against you in the future.
Everyone deserves a second chance.. I believe in that. But after
the fifth or sixth chance, it gets a little old. I’m done, I’m
finished, I’m through.
The play is really coming together. It was a little unnerving to
me when we were reminded we had 9 days until opening night (9
days?! Where did all that time go?), but after the initial shock,
I figure we can do it. If we just keep working hard and focusing,
I’m sure we can pull it off. It’s going to be an amazing show.
Shaunna came to rehearsal Sunday, and stayed until around 11:30.
Well, what did you think, Shaunna? You must tell me, since you
won’t be able to actually see the show. But I’m sure you can get
a full report on it from me, hehe. And CPK was wonderfully
yummy. I absolutely adore their BBQ Chicken Pizza. Mmmm...
We’re performing ‘Trouble’ at the Fine Arts Assembly tomorrow. At least I get to miss French.
I think I did pretty well on my Bio and Alg. 2 exams today. I hope so, considering all the time I spent studying for them.
If I don't get some sleep soon I'm going to die of... well... sleep
deprivation. Five or less hours a night truly isn’t enough.
Even less depending on the homework load, and a bunch of other crap.
I went to the filming they have over at the park with Jessie and Annee
a few days ago. Got to see David Spade and the Napoleon Dynamite
guy (can't remember his name). Kinda cool...
I hope you all know, everyone is better than they think they are.
Better than anything this world can come up with.
I know I'm not the best person, but I try to take advantage of the
opportunities that most people in OP have.
No matter what the time or day.
Stay True.
I feel like I look boring. Probably because I am. Maybe I should do something drastic...?
No. It has not yet come to that.
I am trapped in my own body, no? All the pretty people have really nice
cheekbones and amazing jawlines and eyes. And they are slim and
willowy. And have great skin. And are very photogenic.
Ahhh, that is the fate of the gene pool lottery winners. In a spiritual
sense, I feel like the body doesn't matter, but in a superficial one, I
envy people who are beautiful. Also in a healthy sense our body is our
home, and we have to take care of it so it doesn't crumble. In an
artistic sense, every body is beautiful, which is the sense I like the
most because it is the vain and spiritual sense combined. Every detail,
especially flaws, can be mapped out by artists and be appreciated by
everyone. Even the most influential and famous artists have flawed
people as their most famous portraits.
But I am still really envious.
Survey time!
A - Age you got your first kiss: Not yet...
B - Band listening to right now: Avenue Q soundtrack
C - Crush: there is no way in hell I'm posting that on lj
D - Date: April 19, 2005
E - Easiest person to talk to: I have a few people in mind...
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Hmmm, I'm not sure... Green Day, if I had to pick.
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy bears, I have no idea why...
H - Hometown: OP
I - Instruments: piano
J- Junior High: MCMS
K - Kids: not yet.
L - Longest car ride ever: Up to Canada and back
M - Most memorable moment: I have amazing and wonderful memories spanning across the board...
I couldn't pick just one.
N - Nicknames: Let's see... Mich Mich Sr., Shelley, Michelley, Tootsie Roll,
Crip Crip, Helenie, and probably others I don't remember at the moment. Some
odd selection of nicknames people have picked for me, eh?
O - One wish: To be, at the end of it all, happy with my life
P - Phobia[s]: Hmmm, I'm not very fond of insects, I must say. But I wouldn't
exactly call it a phobia.
Q - Quote: Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching, love
like you'll never get hurt, and live like it's heaven on earth.
R - Reasons to smile: there are quite a few, now that I think about it... I
just don't remember them most of the time.
S - Song you sang last: Purpose from Avenue Q (One hell of an applicable song for me, let me tell you)
T - Time you woke up [today]: 5:00 alarm went off, got out of bed at 5:20
U - Unknown fact about me: What I haven't shared I don't share for a reason.
But something little like... I hate vanilla ice cream? I don't know...
V - Vegetable you hate: mushrooms
W - Worst habit(s): Incessantly flipping my hair behind me, or putting my hands
in my jean pockets, or fidgeting my hands...
X - X-rays you've had: Does teeth count? Also, foot when I fractured my toe,
and I had a CAT scan done on my brain
Y - Yummy food: CHOCOLATE
Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer
Wow, that was actually kinda fun, however boring it may have been for you, hehe.
I hope everyone had fun at prom. Really, I do. I heard
about it from a few of you, and it sounds like you guys had a blast.
Okay, so maybe some of these aren’t true. But some of them are
just plain fact for us living in/near LA. I thought it was worth
posting, at any rate.
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN LA IF...
You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends
You go to a karaoke bar and battle with seven year old divas-in-training who are trying to steal your thunder
You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day
You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch
You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm
like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an
hour to get there).
You eat a different ethnic food for every meal
You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it'll be your favorite Laker or WB star.
You mourned for Tupac and not for Biggie
You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.
In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
You've bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.
Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.
If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.
You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.
You've trespassed through private property to get to the "Hollywood" sign.
You've partied in Tijuana at least once.
You know Hollywood has a "lake".
You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
You've lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.
You've bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.
You think that Venice is a beach.
You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
You've started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON'T WALK sign started flashing.
Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
You have a favorite Thai restaurant.
You think Johnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner.
You think Manhattan is a beach.
You eat pineapple on pizza.
You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.
When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."
Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your
rear view mirror. You don't panic or even flinch. Instead, you call
your friends on your car phone and tell them you're on TV.
You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.
You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.
Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail.....
It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tongue piercing.
You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake.
Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep.
You think you are better than the people who live "Over the
Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently
residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.
Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.
You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie
star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my
parking space."
You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.
That last one goes for your local convenience store man, too.
You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.
You personally know at least 5 people with agents.
You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.
You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.
You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.
You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.
Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don't notice.
The guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap
and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
You really can never be too rich or too thin.
The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.
Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."
You have never met a waiter that wasn't really an "Actor."
It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99"
You call 911 and they put you on hold.
You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:30 tae-bo class.
The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a
horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost
shoe lying on the shoulder.
A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, "you don’t drink or smoke, right?"
The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.
Bars card. For real.
You’re not sure if pot is legal or not...
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.
xoxoxoxo
~Michelle~
P.S. If you only knew.. but it probably doesn't matter anyway.
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